i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
