$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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