you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
