hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize