From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
