i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
