Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i think i just lost a toe
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
