i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
