If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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