I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
