GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
