Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
