How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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