porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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