i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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