who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
