I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
