Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
