Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
