Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
