He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
