wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
