He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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