i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
