Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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