sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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