i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
