That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
