The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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