Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Green mimosas i think yes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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