He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
