At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
