Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
