"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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