I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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