Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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