if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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