You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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