Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
