which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
