I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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