I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
