She announced her abortion via fbk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
