Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
