The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
