I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
