So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
