It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
