i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
