i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
