Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
