Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
