She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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