I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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