She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize