drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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