shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize