good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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