Already got asked if we're dating
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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