Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
