She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize