I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
