Yo dont text me then not text me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize