if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
