Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
