I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
