so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
someone get that fucking seahorse.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You ruined the universe
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
