Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You pole danced in your parka.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize