My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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