I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
