Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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