Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
