I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there was a trapeze. enough said
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
