Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
