And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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