Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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