Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
