Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
