I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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