my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize