listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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