just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
