"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
