I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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