Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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