Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
