xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize