The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
