Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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