Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
