the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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