i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
