tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
