i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Reggie can tackle my bush.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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