I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
