"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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