I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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