wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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