goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
