In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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